My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
