I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
