hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize