I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just invented taco cereal.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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