wat bout pragnant strippers??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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