So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
