first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
