Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
