Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
