mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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