i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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