Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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