Tell her she can't have a vagina
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
