dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
