It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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