it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
