i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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