i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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