it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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