this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
