I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
