im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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