Kiss
Puke
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
