there was a trapeze. enough said
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
