Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
