What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
