And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
