I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
