Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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