I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i think im in europe. pls send help
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