apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
