Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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