How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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