Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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