using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could order shots online.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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