i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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