so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
