What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
