i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
