Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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