Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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