this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
