Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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