OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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