Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
