There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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