I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I enjoy the company of your penis
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