Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
