everyone is single if you try hard enough
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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