My nipple is on Facebook.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
