Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
