just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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