In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
