I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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