how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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