I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
