Just cropdusted the office
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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