I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
