I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
