shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize