Yo dont text me then not text me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
