ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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