Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
