dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
