I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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