If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
