i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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