I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
