it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
