Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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